is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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