one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
