Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
