If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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