I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
