SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Terrible idea I love it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
