I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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