He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
