im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
