i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
