Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
