my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
