It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
