I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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