I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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