Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
