If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
