i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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