I should be sponsored by Trojan
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
