don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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