Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This house was built for laser tag.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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