yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
