i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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