I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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