I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
