her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
