Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
