That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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