You just made me feel so damn special
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
