I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
