I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
