so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
