Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
