My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
