benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
