i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize