I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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