Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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