I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
