this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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