is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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