Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
