I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
