On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
