Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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