then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am midnight drunk by noon
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
