??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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