i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
