We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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