ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
