I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Come share oat with me in your robe
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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