Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
