Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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