i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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