well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
