this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
