Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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