just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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