Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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