I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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