It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize