i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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