I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My vagina just recognized that song.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
