You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize