hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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