i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize