I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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