If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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