I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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