Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
