can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
