i just had sex bonerless
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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