A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
