I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
