this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
