Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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