The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
