The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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