'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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