Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
