I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
