You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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