your thong is hanging out like whoa
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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